


I Want You to Want Me!

by Willbakefordean



Series: Golden Slumbers [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male Lactation, Tender Sex, postpartum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-08 22:12:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4322694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willbakefordean/pseuds/Willbakefordean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean drove the impala home from his appointment and Benny sat in the back with Jack. Dean was grinning from ear to ear and sneaking looks at Benny in the rear view mirror. “Watch the road please, Dean.” Benny chastised, though he was secretly pleased for his husband and his new found freedom. Unfortunately, he knew that wasn’t the only reason Dean had been grinning at him, and he knew that tonight he would upset the man he loved most in the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I love this Cheap Trick song! This is six weeks after the baby and has a little dose of angst before the fluff comes...

Dean drove the impala home from his appointment and Benny sat in the back with Jack. Dean was grinning from ear to ear and sneaking looks at Benny in the rear view mirror. “Watch the road please, Dean.” Benny chastised, though he was secretly pleased for his husband and his new found freedom. Unfortunately, he knew that wasn’t the only reason Dean had been grinning at him, and he knew that tonight he would upset the man he loved most in the world.

They had been to see Cas for Dean’s six week checkup and Dean was doing very well. Jack was fat and happy and Dean had recovered and was given a clean bill of health to resume all _normal activities_ including driving and sexual intercourse. The latter was going to be a point of contention and there was no way to avoid it. Dean had blushed furiously when Cas talked about being extra careful and preparing well, but he had given Benny a filthy kiss when the doctor had left him to get dressed.  

Benny did his best to avoid the topic for the rest of the morning, but when Dean nursed the baby and put him in his crib at lunchtime, his luck was over. Dean came up behind Benny as he made lunch, snaking his hands around his husband’s waist and up his chest. He kissed his way up Benny’s neck and nipped at his earlobe. “Darlin’, I’m using a knife, here…” Benny said as he wiggled out of Dean’s hold. He kissed Dean quickly, as an apology and went back to making sandwiches for their lunch.

During lunch he tried to broach the subject without hurting Dean’s feelings. “You know, just because you’re cleared for sex doesn’t mean we have to jump right back in the saddle again…tonight.”

Dean looked kind of puzzled but then smiled and responded, “You dog, babe! Being all sweet about my feelings! I appreciate that, but I’m fine and kinda been wanting a little romp with my bear.” He finished it with an exaggerated wink and Benny knew he was screwed.

It’s not that he didn’t find Dean attractive or that he didn’t love him and want him to be happy, it was more about how Benny saw Dean in his capacity of birth father. He had a great deal of respect for Dean and he was not about to do anything that caused him pain or discomfort. His own father had not always been kind to his mother and Benny refused to be that husband to Dean.  He would have to find a way to explain that to Dean without causing him heartache either.

As bedtime neared, Benny found ways to occupy himself until Dean put the baby down and then went to bed himself. When Dean chose to put the baby down in his nursery instead of the bassinet in the bedroom, Benny’s ship was sunk. Finally with every bit of laundry in the house done, Benny went to get ready for bed. He snuck into the dark room and then into the bathroom and went through his routine, dragging it out until he thought Dean would be asleep. As he crawled into bed, Dean turned to face Benny who had his back to him.

Dean pressed himself up against Benny and in an instant he realized Dean was naked. He rolled his hips against Benny’s ass and if his erection was any indication, he was also interested. Benny turned and faced his husband, as he warned, “Dean, please. I’m tired. Today was a busy day.”

“That’s alright Ben, I can do most of the work,” Dean countered as he kissed Benny deep and dirty.

“We don’t _have_ to do this tonight, Dean,” Benny reminded him

“I know Benny, you’ve said that, but I want to. I really want to,” Dean reassured him and reached for the waist of Benny’s sleep pants.

Benny grabbed Dean’s wrist gently and said firmly, “I know you do darlin’, but maybe _I’m_ not ready. Did you think about that?” He knew the last part was a little sharp and he felt awful as Dean flinched at his words and yanked his hand back and shrank across to his side of the bed. Benny knew he had upset Dean and tried to explain, “I tried to tell you all day but you were so excited that nothing ever sunk in.”

  
“’m sorry Benny. I just assumed…I didn’t get…” Dean apologized as he turned over and then reached to the end of the bed for his clothes. He put them on awkwardly and Benny could see the redness in his face. He could tell Dean was on the verge of tears, which he had hoped to avoid, for both of their sakes. When he was dressed, Dean crawled back into bed but stayed as far on his side as he could.

“Don’t Dean, come here and snuggle with me…I’m sorry sweetheart. I love you, I just need a little more time,” Benny reached for Dean as he tried to smooth things over.

Dean pulled away from Benny and responded, “Maybe I don’t want to just snuggle. Did _you_ ever think about _that_?” Benny heard him choke on the last words and wiped his hands down his face as he heard Dean get up and leave the room. He gave Dean a few minutes to come back and when he didn’t, Benny went to find his husband, who’s heart he had probably broken.

He found Dean laying on the couch with Jack sleeping on his chest. He had covered them both with a blanket and though he didn’t appear to be openly crying, he was wiping at his eyes and sniffling. “Dean, I’m so sorry, darlin’. Don’t sleep out here, you’ll kill your back. Bring Jack and come back to bed…please?”

“Why, Benny, why?” Dean asked his voice clearly showing his hurt feelings.

“Because you won’t be comfortable and you might drop the baby,” Benny explained again.

“No! That’s not what I meant!” Dean barked back at Benny.

“What then?”

“I don’t understand,” Dean said softly as he began to break down. “Why, Benny? It’s been so long…Why don’t you want me?” Dean covered his face, hiding in his elbow as his tears had begun to fall.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny was at a loss of how to explain to his husband that just because he wasn’t ready to have sex, didn’t mean he didn’t want to have sex with him. He watched his husband hold their baby to his chest and cry softly into the crook of his elbow. He made his way around to the front of the couch and sat on the edge of the couch, not giving Dean the chance to object. He began a story he never intended to tell Dean, or anyone for that matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit dark, though takes us a bit into Benny's childhood. It is why Benny is such a kind, attentive husband

Benny was at a loss of how to explain to his husband that just because he wasn’t ready to have sex, didn’t mean he didn’t want to have sex with him. He watched his husband hold their baby to his chest and cry softly into the crook of his elbow. He made his way around to the front of the couch and sat on the edge of the couch, not giving Dean the chance to object. He began a story he never intended to tell Dean, or anyone for that matter.

“I was an only child,” Benny began quietly. Dean looked over, snuffling, and removed his elbow from his face and leaned up on it to see Benny. “Huh?”

“I was an only child, but not by choice. My dad owned a small gumbo shop and he wanted it to be this family heirloom, ya know?” Benny looked back at Dean as he spoke. Dean's face showed concern he must have been feeling. Benny must have looked as bad as he felt. This was a hard story to share. “They had me and then my mom kept getting pregnant and never brought home a baby. I remember when I was little she would tell me, ‘ _This time I’ll keep it, Benny.  I won’t lose it, I know it_.’ I was so small, Dean, but I could see how tired she was. She was so full of false hope every time, but there was never a baby. As I got older I realized that my father waited for her to come home with the doctor’s approval and he would not give her a moment’s peace. He wasn’t abusive in the sense that he ever hit her or forced her, but he didn’t bother to see her, really see how tired and sad she was. The worst part was that I think she felt obligated or beholden or some other backwater bullshit, to the point that she didn’t feel like she could tell him no.” Benny’s voice had taken on an angry tone.

Benny felt Dean sit up and wrap his arm around his shoulders. He refused to look at Dean for fear that he wouldn’t be able to continue. “After a while, he didn’t even go to the hospital when it happened. He wasn’t there when she passed, it was me and Grandmam.” Dean’s arm tightened firmly and slipped to his waist pulling Benny closer. “The doctor said she was too weak and bled out. I was maybe nine or ten years old, but even at that young age I knew he had killed her.” He looked at Dean and then pulled Dean as close as he could with Jack in his arms. “It’s not that I don’t want you, it’s that I don’t want to be him. Don’t ask me to be him…please.”

“You could never be him.” Dean said, eyes full of tears for completely different reasons this time. “You are the most caring husband, the most loving father, and the kindest man I have ever met. You know what Jack and I need before we do. You’re so conscientious of my feelings and needs that I bet you knew today I was going to be upset about your decision, didn’t you?” Benny choked out a weak laugh and nodded as Dean continued, “I was selfish and I’m sorry, but why didn’t you tell me this earlier, like years ago?”

Benny picked his head up off Dean’s shoulder and cupped Dean’s face in his hands, “I wanted to tell you after Rosie, but how? How was I supposed to tell you that my mother died from multiple miscarriages when Rosie had passed?”

“Oh Benny, you must have suffered and worried. Now I know why you won’t let me say we lost the baby,” Dean said reaching up to pull Benny in for a tender kiss. “I won’t say anything else about waiting. Take your time, but, “ Dean smirked when he spoke again, “ I will remind you that I am ready whenever you are!”

Benny laughed saying, “You’re always ready, aren’t you?” His face took a serious tone and he said, “I just need to know that you have had a chance to really heal and rest. My mom just needed a rest, Dean. I think my dad knew that because it didn’t take him long to drink himself to death, and then it was just me and Grandmam. When she died, I was old enough for the Navy and I just got the hell out.”

“That must have been rough, babe.” Dean stroked up and down Benny’s back as he listened. “Let’s take Jack to bed. I think all three of us need a snuggle. I love you Benny. You’re a good man, and I’m lucky I found you. You could _never_ be like your father in that way, ever. You just don’t have that in you, I know it.” Dean took his little family into the bedroom, and they settled into bed for the night. Benny and Dean were curled around baby Jack like parenthesis and as Dean stroked his fingers through Benny’s hair he did the singing.

Two weeks after Dean had been cleared for all normal activities, Benny was ready and the two became intimate again. Chick flick moment or not, Dean thought that was the best way to describe their relationship. It was intimate in every way. They were once again physically intimate, but more importantly they were connected in their hearts, the very core of their beings. Dean thought,  just maybe that was the best intimacy of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut is coming...I promise...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny and Dean enjoy some nap time fun and Dean comes to an important realization in regard to Jack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little smut, hopefully not awful.

Dean was panting, propped up on pillows, hips at the edge of the bed. Benny had a knee in each hand, supporting his legs as he thrust in and out of his tight warm body. Dean felt delirious, high really, and the pleasure of feeling Benny slip in and out of him was almost more than he could bear without crying out. That was not allowed. However, moaning and groaning, whining and swearing were all allowed under a certain volume so they wouldn’t wake the baby.

They had resumed their sex life, but it was far different from the days of laying around naked or waking up and having slow Sunday sex whenever they wanted. Jack was 14 weeks old now, sleeping less and interacting more. He weighed in at a whopping ten pounds solely breastfed, which prompted Dr Tran to tell Dean he had a super human milk supply.  Benny had returned to work on September 1st and that weekend they made love for the first time since having Jack. It was wonderful and tender and emotional for them both. Today however, a month and a half later, they were playing Benny’s favorite game during Jack’s morning nap and before he showered and went to work.

So there Dean laid, legs wide open seeking more friction with abandon, head lolled back over the edge of the pillows, Benny fucking him to the edge of orgasm and then slowing down. “Jesus, yes, yes, Benny yes, yes that’s it…” Dean mumbled, nearly incoherently as Benny’s cock hit his prostate with each thrust. But just as Dean was about to go over the edge, Benny slowed down and changed his angle to lean over for a kiss. He would take the time then, to lavish attention to Dean’s nipples, which sometimes leaked drops of breast milk.  

“Almost darlin’, not just yet…so beautiful like this…so tight, so hot…love you so much,” Benny cooed at Dean, who loved every minute of the game, but complained and whined just because he could. “Yeah right, Jesus please, Benny…please babe,” Dean begged. He could see Benny was covered in a sheen of sweat and they were at the point that Benny’s legs trembled a little, so Dean knew he would get to come soon. As Benny teased his nipples with his tongue he would lick the droplets of milk leaking from Dean’s full breasts. “You know if you let me pump first, that wouldn’t happen,” Dean scolded. Benny shot back, playfully, “Yeah, but it doesn’t bother me to take care of it and if you pump and then the baby wakes up, you won’t have enough to nurse and then who gets to lay in bed while I warm up a bottle and feed the baby?”

Truthfully, he was thrilled Benny would play with him like this during sex since he told him about his mom. It took a while but Benny had finally relaxed and was back to his old self almost completely. He never came unless Dean had come first, and he struggled a bit with quick hard fucks like before Dean had ever been pregnant, but all in all Dean and Benny had a fantastic sex life.

Apparently Benny was satisfied that Dean had settled down enough to continue and he picked up the pace again and thrust his cock firmly against Dean’s prostate. “Ohhhhhh….Jeeesus…babe…” Dean called out picking his head up to make eye contact with his husband who smiled at him as Dean reached for his face and then tried to grab a handful of Benny’s ass or his thigh or anything else he could get his hands on.

“Feels good, sweetheart, huh? You like that spot right there, dontcha?” Benny said as he thrust deeply into Dean who, after one particularly well aimed hit to his sweet spot, keened and threw his head back to hang over the edge  of the pillow that Benny had so carefully piled for his comfort. He flung one arm over his head in desperation and with the other hand he grabbed a fist full of his own hair. Benny must have sensed that Dean was nearly spent because he mercifully slid a lubed fist over the head of his cock, causing his husband to cry out “Christ Benny! Yes!”  “Ah ah ah, careful, darlin’, don’t wake the baby,” Benny clucked. Dean was too far gone to speak as Benny stroked him, but he thought to himself that if Benny didn’t hurry, he’d wake more than the baby. Benny timed his thrust and strokes well and Dean could feel the heat coil in his belly as finally Benny fucked him to his orgasm. It his him like a freight train and it took everything he had not to scream out. Instead he groaned deeply in his chest and bit down a “Fuuuck, Benny harder, harder, HARDER!” as he came all over Benny’s hand and his own belly an chest.

“Dean…fuck…so beautiful..” Benny moaned as he followed right behind and thrust himself as deep as he could in to Dean one last time. When their muscles relaxed, he continued to fuck in and out of Dean as he stroked him through his orgasm. “So awesome, babe, so fucking awesome…” Benny leaned over Dean and wrapped an arm under him pulling out pillows and scooting them further on the bed. He laid on top of Dean for a few minutes as they shared soft kisses and whispered I love yous, coming down from the high of their orgasms. He rolled off of Dean but stayed close, pressing himself against his side, asking, “You alright darlin’?”

“I’ll tell you when I get my mind back, you fucked me out of it a while back there,” Dean chuckled. “Benny?...I love you so much, you know that…so so much.”

They cuddled close together sideways of the bed, on a towel that Benny had laid under Dean before they started. Dean had become anal, no pun intended, about not having a wet spot in the bed, since they often brought Jack to bed at night. Though they had never been as particular before, just changing the bed the next day, having a baby made them a little more concerned about bed linen cleanliness. And like clockwork, baby Jack’s snuffles and squawks came through the baby monitor on the bedside table.

“Your boy has good timing Benny,” Dean smiled as he spoke through a kiss he and Benny were sharing. “Buy me some time to I can rinse off in the shower?”

“Sure thing, darlin’,” Benny said, as he rolled over to sit up and throw on his boxers. Dean knew he would change Jacks diaper and pacify him while Dean rinsed off all of the sticky, sweaty remains of their nap time romp. He had, in desperation, nursed Jack once without showering when Jack had woken unexpectedly, but it really didn’t sit well with Dean and he swore he would not do it again. Though he didn’t think of sex as dirty, and unlike his father he would be sure to teach his children what it took him a while to figure out, it just felt wrong to nurse Jack with dry bodily fluids on him.  He jumped into the shower and washed his hair and scrubbed himself clean, especially those parts that needed it or would be used, and then rinsed off and toweled himself dry. He threw on boxers and sweats and grabbed his nursing bra and a nursing t shirt for later. For now he walked shirtless into the nursery to find Benny playing with Jack on the changing table.

Benny looked up and smiled at his shirtless husband, “Oh you lucky boy, Daddy has the goods out already.” Dean kissed Benny a little dirty and got a gropy, feely hug in return.

“Thanks, babe,” Dean said as he picked up Jack from the table. “Hello there, my little man. How was your nap. He held the baby in both hands and at eye level supporting his neck with his fingers. “You hungry? Daddy’s got the num nums for you,” he cooed as he looked into the sweet blue eyes of his baby boy. He heard Benny snort as he said num nums. His husband busted his chops on a regular basis about how Dean never even let anyone say breastfeeding and now he said num nums regardless of who was within earshot. He sat in the rocker in the pirate nursery and snuggled a wiggly, excited at the prospect of nursing baby in the crook of his elbow. Jack easily found what he wanted on Deans bare chest and latched on.

Nursing was so much more than Dean ever thought it would be. It made him slow down and just sit and enjoy Jack. The fact that he was the one who had to feed him, made them so close that he was struggling with the thought of returning to work. Ellen had volunteered to watch Jack, but they would not have this quiet time together and Dean thought Jack deserved it. It wasn't like they needed his salary.

Benny’s diner was a gold mine, especially with Gabe and his buddies from Colorado, Alfie and Aaron, who had fallen in love with the relaxed lifestyle of the midwest and had stayed. Alfie and Aaron were a couple and decided to buy a house here. So Rufus had been able to retire and they split the shifts when Benny returned to work. Rufus was willing to sub for anyone who was sick or wanted a little vacation time. Benny worked the line dinner shift only and did not have to do any prep work unless he wanted to make something special.  He handled the business and could come and go throughout the afternoon until the dinner shift began. That gave them the majority of the day including lunch to be together.

Dean had never approached Benny about not wanting to go back, just continued to pump and fill the freezer with milk for when he did. Sitting in this rocker with Jack and feeding him made the return all too real. Dean felt really emotional about it for some reason today and he looked up to find Benny, freshly showered and dressed leaning against the doorway smiling at him as Jack nursed. He felt tears fill his eyes, and it came out before he even realized it.

“I don’t want to go back to work, Benny.” Benny’s face dropped and Dean regretted not easing into the concept.

Dean held his breath but smiled as Benny walked over, kissed him soundly and answered, “Then don’t, stay home. What do you want for lunch?”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are welcome and appreciated. Ideas I am tossing around...addressing what would have been Rosie's first birthday...a surprise addition...
> 
> Feedback and ideas welcome!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are welcome and incredibly appreciated!


End file.
